The Sniper Chicken-shit Story

The Sniper Chicken-shit Story is an old soldier’s story that my Dad had told me back at my mother’s kitchen table.  Dad and mom had just parked the family car in the drive-way, when the three boys who had been talking with me on the front steps had spotted my parents car, and just took-off in all directions before my Dad could get out of his car.  So, right after he had come in from running after the boys, Dad told me the sniper chicken-shit story.

 

The Sniper Chicken-shit Story
The Sniper Chicken-shit Story

 

Years and years later, my husband took me out to eat lunch with him at a local restaurant.  It was Memorial Day, and he felt like celebrating.  The restaurant was packed with people, it was standing room only.

Out of respect for our age, a nice young lady who was sitting all alone shared her table with us.  During lunch, the young lady talked to the people next to our table.  She was telling one of the young ladies there that she would meet her and their other friends at the local bar that evening.  She added, yes, because she felt that she needed some fun and meet a young man her own age that would satisfy her woman needs – as she referred to it.  Then she turned around and asked me not to think badly of her because she was young, lonely, and sexless since her husband had gone overseas.

This was when I told her “the sniper chicken-shit story.”

When a woman’s husband is off to war leaving her alone and sexless until his return, she meets up with some other women of her village to gather at the farmer’s market of their town because they know “the sniper will see them there”.  You see, the sniper is a soldier who perches himself at the top of a hill that overlooks the town farmers market.  He perches himself up there because he wants to shoot one of his bullets at one of the women down there at the outside market.  Up there, on top of the hill, he thinks himself very brave.  He carefully selects which one of the women down there that he will shoot his bullet at.

However, in reality, he is too much of a chicken-shit.  If he knew the women down at the farmers market knew he was going to go up there so to shoot his bullet at one of them, then he would run and hide instead of going up to the top of the hill in the first place.  So, up there on top of the hill where he is perched, he carefully picks out one of the women to shoot his single bullet at her.  That makes him a ‘single bullet sniper chicken-shit’.  However, once he shoots his bullet into the crowd of women, he does not care to check see if the bullet reached her or not.  What he does instead is, he takes his gun, and his other bullets and runs and hides before the older men of the village can catch him…

There is another kind of sniper chicken-shit.  He is a ‘multi-bullet sniper chicken-shit’.  Just like the single bullet sniper, he will go up on top of the hill.  However, once up there, he will not just shoot one of his bullets at “a” woman down there at the farmers market.  No, he will fire many of his bullets into the group of gathered women.  He will indiscriminately shoot all of his bullets down at them; not even bothering to first find one in his gage.  He does not care whom his bullets reaches, as long as many of his bullets hit the women.

Once he is done shooting all of his bullets, he quickly picks up his gun and quickly runs and hide.  He runs and hides before the old men of the village can catch him.  Why does he run from the old men of the village?  Because he is a sniper chicken-shit?  Why is he a chicken-shit?  Because if he knew that the women of the village had known all along that he would shoot his bullets at them, he would not have climbed the hill in the first place – he would be too much of a chicken-shit.

The moral of this story:

This is the story of the Sniper Chicken-shit story as told to me by my Dad back when I was a young girl of 14; my dad was by then in his mid 50’s.  My father was a WW2 US RANGER, Paratrooper, Ambulance Corps.

 

The Sniper Chicken-shit Story
The Sniper Chicken-shit Story

 

Dad told me that the moral of the story is, that a sniper chicken-shit is a man who is too much of a chicken to face that girl’s  father – so to let him know that he wants to go out on a date with his teenage daughter.  Why won’t that man face the girl’s father?  Because he is too much of a chicken-shit to get told: “NO he can not shoot his bullet at his daughter.”  After all, dad always said, “a father knows what a man wants with his daughter.  To shoot his bullets at her!, exclaimed Dad.”

If you think that was bad enough for those three boys having ran off like that, and letting me all alone to face my father, you ain’t heard nothing yet!  Then my Dad went on to say:  “thing is, its the woman who decides if she will let the sniper chicken-shit shoot his bullets at her.  If the sniper chicken-shit knew that its actually the woman who decides if she will let him shoot his bullets at her, then he would be too scared to climb that hill in the first place.  Instead, he would run and hide even faster!  And if she decides to go to the market and to let the sniper chicken-shit shoot his bullets at her, then she is going to cry (all alone) on her pillow at night.  Because, the sniper chicken-shit does not care if his bullets hit her or not.”  Is when I realized that my father knew me better than I thought!

The reason I told my dad’s chicken-shit story to the young woman sitting across the table from me at that restaurant, was because she expected to meet a man at a bar that night.  A man too chicken-shit to ask her husband (who was off to war) for a date with his wife!  Moreover, he was too chicken-shit to ask her father-in-law or her own father for a date with her.  I knew what that man wanted to do with that young married woman.  He wanted to shoot his bullets at her but was too chicken-shit to treat her with respect, and to honor her husband for his service and sacrifice.