Tattered Dreams are made of the web we weave. Oh the web that we weave! Out of spinning tales and storytelling. You telephone yourself, tell yourself a story, and you believe your own story… Harsh a truth it is, but truth nevertheless…
Tattered Dreams are the webs we weave. Tattered Dreams are made of line upon line of delicate, well-spun webbing material that just hangs there over us like a Sword of Damocles. Forgetting the lies we tell ourselves, comes back to bite us.
It is not that they are actual lies. They are well-spun stories about our experience, our thoughts, and ideas. With time, we spin these into time-honored philosophy; a philosophy of life upon which we actually go and base our lives upon. We conveniently forget that they are not necessarily our truth… They are just the spin on our truth.
Webs we weave
Webs we weave, delicate they are! Webs we weave, are also made out of our faith and our hope. Such are tattered dreams.
As time went by, the delicate webs we weaved became strong! They became the very foundation of our lives. The webs we weave eventually need to be taken apart, line by line, gently. They need unravelling before they come back to bite us. To do so, we need to first remember our false tales.
Remembering False Tales
Remembering false tales we tell ourself, is not easy. No one likes to think we lie to ourself. We are not alone doing this.
Have you ever had one of those conversations with yourself where you say, “I’m never doing that again!” — and then turn around and do the same thing? We’re all guilty of that! To better understand this natural protection, click on The Lies We Tell Ourselves.
Undoing lies is not as easy as it sounds. It requires a rigorous honesty on our part; doing a personal inventory of ourselves without doing a personal inventory of someone else. It is admitting to our own shortcomings. It is letting go of the webs we spun.
Chickens come back home to roost
Chickens come back home to roost, is another way of saying that we feel punished for the lies we told ourselves. We are not being punished, we are suffering the consequences of the lies we told ourselves. Usually this happens when a tragedy occurs in our lives.
A personal tragedy such as a divorce. Or perhaps have your children been taken from you. Maybe you lost your job. You now realizing that it is all due to how you lead your life in the first place.
Sometimes it’s all due to the excuses we made for other people. When something about someone strikes you, or rubs you in the wrong way, you might wrongly make an excuse for the person doing that. It may be cute at first, but given enough time, you may no longer be able to live with it.
Years ago, a middle-aged guy was telling me all about his divorce. He had been divorced by then – for well over ten years. And he still had not gotten over the wrongs his ex had done to him.
He had a long list of things his ex had done to him. He had a long list of her shortcomings. At the end of his one hour-long enumeration of his ex’s wrongs, he finished up with saying: “she was one bitch and a half”.
He was telling me all that about his ex, because he was thinking about marrying again with a new love of his. But he feared making the same mistake twice, because this new love of his bitched him around allot.. As a matter of fact, she was “very much like his first wife”, he ended up admitting to me.
I told him, those two women are not the problem! You are the problem! You are the reason you are afraid of getting married again. You are the reason you ended up in long bad divorce with your ex, in the first place. He was shocked at my words to him…
The man asked, “why do I say that to him”. My answer, “you are a man who gets turned-on by bitches, lol”. He thought about it awhile, then said to me: “I guess. They are both indeed bitches”. He readily added, “but she is different from my ex!”.
“How is she so different than her”, I asked. His answer: she is a great lover in bed”. “Well, said I, so that is the excuse you are making for her. She is a great lover in bed, so that excuses her being a bitch!…” Five years later, the same man came to me and said, “I just got a divorce from her.” And he had an hour-long list filled with her faults…
You see, sometimes we tell ourselves lies. We lie to ourself when we believe it’s not that bad. But there comes a time, when the lies we tell ourselves comes back to bite us. Such are the things that can cause tattered dreams.
Courage to change
Courage to change the things we can. It is not always a good idea to just change everything all at once. The goal is not to hurt ourselves in the process, nor to make things worse for ourselves.
The goal is to gently unravel the web of lies we have boxed ourselves into. We do this slowly, one lie at a time. This requires we find the energy to look at ourselves honestly. A renewed energy of truth – perhaps?
Assess the damage, the consequences of your having told yourself little lies. Your beliefs have been shaken. Your world is now different. Take the time to heal, and find the courage to change.
Perhaps honorable amends are now in order. First make an honorable amends to yourself, to begin with. A good honorable amends to yourself can be a promise to not believe your own lies you tell yourself. Make a promise to yourself, to find the courage to undo the woven threads of your Tattered Dreams!